It’s been fun.

But there comes a time to stop blogging about life and live it… good grief, that is a cringey cliche, but true. So adieu.

See ya folks.

P.T.L

Is that guy wearing a jumpsuit? He looks like he just escaped prison?

So what happens if you’re caught breaking this law? 

OH DEAR GOD! NOT AN INFRINGEMENT!

This is like threatening offenders with a paper cut with the added sentence of pouring lemon juice on it.

Yeah it stings, but I’ll do it again.

These photographs belong to MJ Caché. I’d prefer it if you didn’t reproduce them as the guy (the criminal clad one) said if I publicised his image he’d reduce me to my atomic elements.

If I no longer update this blog then I’m in a witness protection program without wi-fi.

It was nice knowing you all…gulp.

Sorry about the hysteria. I’m all cool now.

Here’s another unique Australian letterbox.

P.S. Breaking the glass and pressing the button doesn’t do anything… except make the owner really mad.

Brought to you by Small Minds Enterprises… very small, like teeny-tiny… can’t see it under an electron microscope.

Welcome to the 19th and the last installment from the Mystical Gnome.

The Mystical Gnome sustained an ACL injury from tackling an interrogative pronoun during a furious game of Semantics. He is in a serious subjunctive mood and suffering meiosis…  could be terminal, but his Mystical Coolness delivered this last post on his favourite literary devices ~ irony and sarcasm. 

So what is irony?

Irony is a literary term referring to how a person, situation, statement, or circumstance is not as it would actually seem. Many times it is the exact opposite of what it appears to be.

What is sarcasm?

Sarcasm is a cutting expression or sharp wit. It’s usually pretty mean and quite funny. It is intended to mock, ridicule or wound.

Sarcasm, by definition, is something my editor does really well. 

Why do people confuse sarcasm and irony?

Because they are both funny. The difference is in intention, delivery and timing. Irony is often subtle and sarcasm is aggressive. Also, sarcasm is deliberate and irony is often presented as unintentional or accidental. For example: Ironic Scenario 1 ~  Surviving the last ten years of cancer, two heart attacks, a massive earthquake and the nurse says as you leave the hospital after escaping a life threatening aneurysm, “Now all you need is to get hit by a bus!”  - and… you do.

Ironic statements imply a meaning in opposition to the literal meaning, such as saying, “Don’t work too hard,” to a lazy worker. Purists would say this is sarcasm – (hence the confusion over these terms), but the delivery and tone makes it either ironic or sarcastic.

Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment ~ Edwin P. Whipple

Every Irony Site has a go at Alanis Morrissette’s, ‘Isn’t It Ironic’ song. They conclude that none of her lyrics are ironic, but in her defence, if all I wanted was a knife and I opened a draw entirely filled with spoons, I’d find that:

A -  a little ironic,

B – mostly annoying,

C – completely weird,

D – and worthy of a sarcastic comment.  

Also as the song continues ~ ‘meeting the man of my dreams …and then meeting his beautiful wife’ is not ironic. That’s bad timing. It would be ironic if you met the man of your dreams and went out to dinner, where the wife – who is a doctor, happens to be on call that night and a patron chokes on the proverbial chicken wing. The wife arrives, executes the Heimlich and saves the patron, but suddenly spots you two and… karate chops you in half. That would be ironic… and painful.

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out alive. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

The Mystical Gnome sends his warm farewell and thanks to his avid and faithful audience (twelve bloggers, his mum and his editor) ~ mee hee, see, this is ironic and sarcastic.

Looks like a possessed bench.

Could it get any uglier?

I refuse to sit on this. The head might go all Mike Tyson on me and bite me on the ear. 

Oh look another bench. I’ll sit … no I won’t.

Artistic benches from Western Australia… or Aussie Uggo Seating?

Brought to you by Small Minds Enterprises… very small, like teeny-tiny… can’t see it under an electron microscope.

Who stands in the front garden leaning their head upon a tree (hippies communing with nature discounted).

 Oh! It’s a mannequin. 

Creepy but original.

Brought to you by Small Minds Enterprises… very small, like teeny-tiny… can’t see it under an electron microscope.

“What do you want for breakfast? We have FrootLoops, FrootLoops or… FrootLoops.”

“Oh Aunty MJ, we’re not allowed FrootLoops.”

Oh Really.

My nephews are 8, 7 and 3 and I’m about to teach them ‘Rule Number One Of Being An Aunty’ ~ What your parents say no to and do not allow, loses all meaning at your Aunty’s place. It’s the code. It also makes you supa-cool with your nephews.

So I pour four bowls. Unbeknownst to me, FrootLoops have a secret ingredient. They have artificial colours, flavours, loads of sugar and… spent nuclear fuel rods. Yeah, the FDA missed that and they certainly don’t reveal that on the nutrition panel on the side of the box.

And I’m giving this stuff to my little nephews!

 FrootLoops is a BMD – a Breakfast of Mass Destruction and we now have a one way ticket to…

For the record, when I add the milk, my breakfast bowl glows more colours than the rainbow.

As soon as I finish my bowl, I start to feel really good. But I want to do something really bad. The sugar and nuclear waste rushes straight to my brain, shuts down my executive functioning, and lights up my entertainment centre. I instantly become an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, “Hey nephews, Let’s go tear it up, literally! Let’s pull up every plant in the garden.”

“YAY!”

“Hey! Not my garden. The neighbour’s garden. Wahooo!”

The thrill from the mindless devastation  – the mess, the dirt and the destruction. It is awesome. Until my neighbour comes out… with the police.

I rest my case.

Don’t feed little people FrootLoops… (and big people with juvenile tendencies). It leads to criminal behavior.

Totally True Story, ehem.

All images used in this blog are mine. I made them mine after I stole them. Put my name on them and everything. If interrogated by the Google police, I’ll deny everything. Mum’s the word.  

Brought to you by Small Minds Enterprises… very small, like teeny-tiny… can’t see it under an electron microscope.

Welcome to the 18th fortnightly installment from the Mystical Gnome… unfortunately his mysticalness has been caught up.

The Mystical Gnome spent his beloved writing tip time on the phone with Obama. Tru-bru. Even though the Mystical Gnome is Australian (yes, he has Irish ancestors) he likes to keep abreast of international politics, especially American politics because it’s equally amusing and moronic as Australian politics.

So His Mystical Coolness was skyping with Obama about the 14 trillion deficit. Obama heard that His Mysticalness has a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and wanted to borrow it. The Mystical Gnome laughed and put the President onto Romney who is loaded.

Romney told Obama to jump off a fiscal cliff. Anyhoo, writing tips #18 has been delayed. Usual viewing will resume next fortnight.

Nicholas Sparks – Safe Haven ~ “Absolutely not. I’m an expert in procrastination, but the last thing I want you to think is that I’m incompetent, too. Because I’m actually pretty good at what I do.” -Jo

Marthe Troly-Curtin ~ “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” 

Follow the Mystical Gnome’s weekly writing advice so your work doesn’t end up as…

The teenager left, so the mother and I checked out the crime scene and…

I laughed my head off.

“It’s just a smudge.” I intoned playfully. “What are you looking so angry about?”

I took a photo of it.

She snapped, “You can’t blog that!”

“Of course I wouldn’t do that.” I reassured her.

Ma-ha, my friends don’t know me at all.

This photo belongs to MJCache and I’m going to cop it for uploading it.

It’ll be worth it.

 I better put on my combat gear, just in case, now where did I put my bullet proof vest?